Usually Don't Be Hatin' is an obnoxious mockery of the daily episodes of my life, usually those that greatly piss me off or provoke negative emotion in some way. But today I choose my blog to be a more therapeutic recreation — something I need to do for myself — a platform for me to get lots of emotions off my chest. For the past two weeks, I have served as cook, maid, counselor, advisor, good friend and most importantly, WIFE, to TWO HUSBANDS. For you perverts out there, I'm not referring to any kind of "friends-with-benefits" type of situation. A close friend, who I will keep anonymous, has come to Eric and I during a very difficult time in his life. For the past two weeks he has been staying with us because he cannot be in the same place as his wife. He's a very good man and friend, and I want us to be there for him during this time. So for the past two weeks, I have worked very hard to make sure this friend feels at home as much as possible and to give him some kind of normalcy, security and stability in a world that has been turned upside down and is anything but for him. I have reached out on two occasions to the other party involved, telling her I'm available to talk if needed, but she has not taken me up on it. Unfortunately at that end, there's nothing more I can do, yet at the same time, I feel guilty that I can't do more. I guess that's my whole problem in a nutshell, I'm doing everything humanly possible in the support role, but I cannot change or control the outcome. What can I say? I'm a control freak and I hate not having the ability to change the universe for the better when so need be. Anyway, when this friend first started staying with us I was on vacation so I had a little more time to play house so to speak. I had already spent the majority of the week at home cleaning. So I had a little extra time to devote to transforming my home into Hotel Elliott. Of course the first night, Eric took care of the queen sized blow up mattress, so it wasn't exactly homey. Blow it up and stick a blanket it on it and throw him a pillow. In a man's world that's all you need I guess, but I say NOT GOOD ENOUGH! It needed that girly touch. So the next day I go in and "make" the mattress. Fitted sheet, sheet, blanket, comforter, extra blanket, extra pillow and large back pillow for support or in case he needed something to hug and the icing on the cake — a sandwich baggy containing three Oreo cookies placed ever so gently upon his fluffed pillows. That was just in case he was hungry when he got home from work and wanted a snack. Yes, I'm insanely anal and I think of these things. Plus, I didn't have any mints. But who the hell wants mints when you can have Oreos anyway? Hello! Then there was the pair of underwear found on the floor and his dirty, stingy barely yellow baseball cap that looked like a car and three motorcycles pissed on it. So it was wash time...the hat: gentle cycle warm, medium load to fill the tub considerably so that the hat would not be agitated too harshly as not to bend or rip the rim. That was followed by a fluff dry in two 30-minute increments. Perfection. Another A+ added to the Domestic Goddess report card. Damn I'm good. The rewards for my work: real husband jealousy. "Boy you're really spoiling him." Yeah, like I don't spoil you rotten. Anyway, I was just trying to give a little comfort, be a good friend, no big deal. It wasn't that kind of work that bothered me, it was the emotional work that even began to take a toll within the first day or two. As it was, even just first hearing that there were problems made me go back to a time in my own life when Eric and I were lost. Eric, the typical emotionless man, says you just have to separate yourself from it and not get involved. But I just can't do that. I'm not that kind of person. And going through this with the friend was like going through my own bad times AGAIN, almost like a flashback. I know what it's like to feel totally heartbroken and lost to the point you don't even know who you are anymore. It turns you psycho. I was a flamin' psycho. I was dumb, foolish, let others get in my head, gathered around the wrong people thinking they were there for support and advice when they were nothing but predators, made bad choices and felt like each day I was living in darkness. Literally. Like I was trapped in some tunnel that I couldn't escape from and that I would never see the light of day. I was so psycho I almost drove others to psychoness. Then those others thought I was psycho. So they wouldn't hate me and not think I was psycho I bought them "make-up" gifts, like books and insanely expensive but awesome Boba Fett watches that you didn't realize was being auctioned in Australian currency so it ended up being triple or quadruple the cost you thought you were bidding on but then you had to get it because you felt guilty for the possible hurt and psychoness you inflicted and who in their right mind could let such a freakin' awesome watch go to some undeserving dweeb half-way across the planet anyway and ruin your reputation as Ebay Goddess!? Phew. All this past pain has been swirling around in my head. I promised I wouldn't take sides on the friend's situation. I told him in my profession you have to listen to both sides of the story. I'm trying to be as fair and lack-of-judgement as I can. It's just that I can't understand her side, or even try to, because I haven't heard it. She has done some things that I feel are very selfish and unfair. Then there's the point you try to give hope to that person so they are not so dragged down from the pain, knowing deep down that the gods have another plan. So I'm angry. Angry at the gods: the things you can't control. The things you can't make better. I'm frustrated. I'm heart-broken. And while I'm trying my hardest not to be selfish, I still can't help to feel betrayed myself. Betrayed by a friend. Betrayed by the fact my friends aren't and can't be happy. Betrayed by the forces that allowed this to happen. It may seem childish but all I want to do is scream at the sky "Life isn't fair!" Life stinks. Why does life have to be so hard? Why do bad things have to happen to good people? It's just not fair. It's just not FAIR! WHY?!!!!!! Anyway, I'm tired. Tired because I've been giving two very fussy men at least three dinner choices nightly and been waiting on them hand and foot, doing everything under the sun except for wiping their tooshies, which is where I draw the line people! Raising two husbands is a bitch! I can't understand why any woman would want to cheat on their husband and have a boyfriend on the side. Who the hell can handle two?! That's crazy! I'm tired because my brain is in a whirl too. I'm tired because I may be selfish or "too emotional," but my heart hurts too! I never thought I'd say this but I NEED GIRLY TIME! I have no $ but I want to go shopping, buy stuff I can't afford, have my nails done and be around some estrogen! I don't have the power to change the universe and I'm tired of trying. Friends, I can't control our lives. I can't control our misfortunes. But I'm here. And I'm going to tell you this and hopefully you'll never, ever forget: ALWAYS APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE!!!!!
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