Confessions of a Softball Wife

Way to go!  You can do it!  Great job!  Sometimes it's nice to receive encouragement for the things we do, no matter what they are — work or play.  I have deemed it "Positive Reinforcement."  For example: At Eric's softball game last night, I used my extra special mix of "Positive Reinforcement" with the players when they made a good play or a good catch: "THAT WAS SEXY!"  I'll usually scream.  My husband doesn't even bother to look at me funny or shake his head when I do it anymore.  I feel it's a good way to boost the boys' self esteem and make the other team jealous.  After all, there's no one calling them sexy.  I even have other softball wives screaming it now so that my lunacy is no longer singled out by strangers.  I've found that some guys even appreciate when they pop a ball out and it doesn't quite make it over the fence and I yell, "That was almost sexy baby!  You'll get it next time!"  It makes them feel that just one more inch and they too could have been the epiphany of sexy, even though they're final out resulted in a pathetic and demoralizing 22-5 defeat.  The word sexy should not be taken literally, but it's an expression meant to relay a message of support for their self-esteem.  Everyone deserves to feel "sexy" at one point — to feel good about themselves.  Unfortunately we have lost our simple sense of self worth in today's society.  Either we're never recognized for our hard work and achievements, or some choose to go the extreme and overcompensate in that area.  For example, do we really need "Participation Awards," "Third Honorable Mention" or the "Fifth Grade Moving Up Ceremony"?  Do we need certificates for accomplishing the most menial of tasks?  I for one, would rather be told I wrote a great story rather than get a certificate for completing my online sexual harassment seminar, especially seeing everyone was required to do it and that you would have to be a total moron or complete slut to fail the course.  In case you were wondering, yes I passed!  Eric has also mentioned how at his place of employment — to change the name to protect the innocent we will call it Bank of Apparent Cheaters, Thieves and Hidden Fees — employees will get little trinkets for awards from time to time.  For example, the other day he brought home some lime coconut hand sanitizer.  I'm like what's this?  And he said they were giving them away at work today.  That happened once with a box of Cracker Jacks too.   So I'm like really, is that necessary?  We both discussed and agreed that we'd rather them keep an employee or two from their weekly round of lay-offs rather than spend their earnings on snacks and toys that are suppose to be meant to boost employees' moral.  I really don't think a box of caramel popcorn is going to make me feel more appreciated at the work place, or make me want to work harder, unless the free prize inside is a diamond ring or a key to my new Camaro.  Then there's my place of employment where there is nothing positive done or mentioned EVER!  I always say we just have a dark cloud that forever hovers over our heads to remind us of the misery we must have caused in our past lives to make us so deserving of our present hell!  A place where if you sneeze, most people won't or are too afraid to say "Bless You."  A simple common courtesy.  Now if you don't believe in God that's fine.  I don't care...you can worship Buddha, you can worship Saddam Hussein, you can worship Megan Fox for all I freakin' care.  Give some positive courtesy and respect to your co-workers!  It's usually quite the freak accident if we're told "Good story" or even "Interesting story."  And if we are, it's usually followed by an insult or insinuation five minutes later that you're a lazy shit and didn't do something right on another story.   Sometimes when we experience that freakish positive moment, we freeze from shock, unable to speak or even move.  Yes or No!   Answer me Yes or NO!  That was always one of my faves.  You listen right now!  Why didn't you ask this?  Why didn't you write that?  Go ask Fred and if he doesn't know, go ask God.  NOW!  There are days that everyone in the office feels like they could sever their right arm and plop it on their boss' desk, yet they would still manage to ask us, "What about your left?"  Maybe if we had some "positive reinforcement" we wouldn't hang our heads so low and in silence as we dragged ourselves to our desk each morning, anticipating the repetitious misery we would face each minute of each hour.   So in honor of positive reinforcement I proclaimed today Dave: You are winner of the I Can't Believe You Didn't Want to Shoot Yourself for Having to Cover and Write that Story award and Dan, you totally awesomey page designer — those Sunday Sentinel pages be lookin' sexy this week my man!  Doesn't that make you feel good?!  See if we just felt a little bit better about ourselves, just for a milli-second, this world could be a better place.  Well, at least maybe our own little worlds.  Together, we can make this planet SEXY one degenerate at a time.