There's a new girl in town and I already don't like her. Here it is Saturday, the end of a six-day week for me. Yeah, I got to leave early Thursday and put in a half-day, but that doesn't take back the fact I've been stuck in this hell hole for six straight days. I just discussed with a co-worker how disgusted I was to look at myself in the mirror this morning. I could've jumped rope with the bags underneath my eyes and my crocheted mushroom hat didn't help matters much. Ripped that off my head. I was all out of sorts to begin with. I couldn't find my pants. Then I put on a clean shirt and notice it has spots on it. I get pissed and hope it's just detergent and will come off, after all it's brand new and it's not like I have the bucks to replace it if it's ruined. Then I can't find my keys in my purse. I walk out without my drink bottle. I'm late. I'm like what else can go wrong DAMMIT I just want to end this week?! The new girl, that's what can go wrong. Now I shouldn't hold anything against her, my good twin tells me. You don't know her and she could be a very sweet girl. She looks nice upon first glance. But she's young, cute has a tiny little body and all the men are gooing all over her already! It's freakin disgusting! I just wanted to step on all their tongues! Nicole gets introduced as the "other reporter" LAST. After all I don't count. And yes, I'm the ugly one. I'm the one who has no important job around here, I won't argue with that, and I'm not young and I'm not cute. I just have a big enough ass for everyone to whip and ride (like the editor I'm ready to punch out today). It made me think that just one day, JUST ONE DAY in my life, that's all I'd ask, I want to be the cute young skinny nice legged and tight shapely assed little girl. JUST ONE DAY. I've never been that girl that every guy in the room hits on or makes sure she gets anything and everything she wants. Now don't get me wrong, I don't need everyone hitting on me. I'm very lucky to have found a man who loves me for who I am, even though I think he's a crazy bastard and even ask him sometimes, REALLY? What do you see here?! But again I was never that chick who got to be the center of attention. That stopped the clock when I entered the room. JUST ONE DAY I would want that. Lead every guy on in the room and then let the bungy chord go so I could bust them all the way down to the end of the fall. Be the player, get what I want and then knock you down on your ass. Like you were really stupid enough to think you were good enough to get a piece of me? But then when reason sets in and the temper settles, I think how stupid and selfish that would be. I could never be that kind of person. Maybe that's why I wasn't made that way. That's never been in the stars for me. I always say in the big conveyer belt in the sky, I must've been made at the first of the month when God had plenty to go around. I got LOTS of EVERYTHING! Big ass, big legs, big stomach, big FEET! Got a little extra in the schnazola too. I got lots of shakes from the temper and impatience shaker. Must be that month He was a little low on the self-esteem spice. Well I guess I'll never be "That Girl," that wasn't my mold. I was naive once and thought when I got older that things would be different, but you can't change your skin. You just gotta learn to get comfortable living in it. So good luck newbie, I hope you last two months and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. Welcome to "the man's" world that I've hated all my life. Newbie. It's hard to think back to anything I've recently been a newbie in for quite a while, besides my artsy things I love dabbling in. I'd love to be a newbie at a new job. Maybe I could find some peace there. Maybe I'm just being naive, STILL! Newbie. But there's scary things about being the newbie. New people, new work, new challenges, new situations. But at least I'm a little older and wiser now. I always complain that I didn't have the brain I have today when I was in my 20s. I could've navigated life, men, work, relationships...so differently and WITH REASON. Newbie. Oh yeah, I was actually the Newbie last night. I wanted to go out and of course me and the hubby couldn't agree on a place to go. Then we both opt for a new sports bar we've been seeing advertise on TV that looked fun. Eric is afraid he's going to get lost. MUST HAVE EXACT Address to plug into GPS. I laugh. The bar was in Barneveld. Hun, I say, I can get you there but just don't blink, or you'll miss it. He wouldn't believe that their Main Street had about maybe 4-5 businesses on it. And I'm always accused of being "THE CITY GIRL." You're such a City Girl!, he always says, even though we both agree Utica isn't exactly a real city. Well we did drive pass it, but turned around and parked. We're like Is this it? I'm telling you whoever their videographer was who did the commercial, he's a freakin' Genius! He made the place look so huge and OMG, FUN and FANTASTIC! So we see the little red Jak's Bar & Grill sign and walk in. Now this is to be expected when you enter any drinking establishment in a dinky town. Everyone glared. But it wasn't a harmful WTF you doin in our place? kind of glare. You could tell a couple guys were really consciously trying not to look, but couldn't help but wonder who the hell is that and what the hell are they doing HERE? You had your typical rednecks, again as I expected. You've got the lil' redneck chick who thinks she's all that, hittin' on three guys at once and dressed like she just stepped out of Michael J. Fox's Delorean that just traveled back to 1985. Nik wants to watch her hockey, that's what she wants to see at bars. But oh no, not here. We've gotta keep with the theme here and have Nascar spread out on the huge flat screen. Then we were stuck with Stupid Drivers on TruTV on the other flat screen. Can this get any worse? Well when in Rome I always say, so I started watching the racing. I notice that there's two Camrys racing so I start rooting for the Japanese mobiles. Probably not a smart thing to do in a redneck bar. Country boys like their GMs and they don't like those Japs interfering in their sport. Then a car crashes and of course, I can't help myself. "Must be a Chevy!," I said out loud. "Mine looked about the same way when I crashed mine going 35!" Keep in mind that this race car slid off the raceway and rolled after he was just tapped on the back end by another car. My car was only going 35 and got pushed by water. Both our cars ended up lookin' pretty ugly. Then I thought I was going to spill my Magic Hat all down my shirt when I heard the first big BOOM! Some arcade game that the rednecks were amusing themselves with that I was working hard to ignore. Punch the punching bag as hard as you can. After all, it's rednecks we're dealing with here and their challenges are limited to punching bags and how far we can toss the cow. Geesh, that was low for you!, screams the lil redneck chick at one of her threesome. He tries again. The other one tries...then she even tries! And I'm like "WOW." I don't think they were too amused with us. After all we smelled from the start. Smelled like something other than Barneveld, NY. And we weren't exactly aw-inspired. I don't know what they be but they not us! But I did make good with the owner. He got a kick out of me sayin' how I wanted to steal one of his wooden chairs with a horse carved into the back. It was a pretty chair. And we left. We were done being the newbies for the night. So I guess being the newbie has it's good and bad qualities. Maybe my message today is don't hate the newbie, actually go ahead if you feel like, screw what I say! I guess just try not to be hatin you. You are who you are for a reason and if that's not acceptable with the masses of the population then you make sure you walk backwards, bent over and tell the world to go KISS YOUR ASS! Go Dale Earnhardt. NOT!
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